3 Ways to Make a Controlling Spouse Stop Controlling You

Published: 26th May 2010
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In the beginning of relationships, it is often hard to recognize the signs of a controlling person. These people are usually on their best behavior to try to make a good on you. Over time though, all of the triggers that bring out the controlling aspects of their relationship soon come to light. Quite often though, it is when you have already learned to have feelings for this person. You have probably experienced a relationship with a control freak in your lifetime. Most of us have. A parent, a teacher, or a boss are the common control freaks that we commonly meet up with.

While these people may be intolerable, they do not quite affect your emotions as much as having a controlling spouse does. When your teacher or boss tries to control you, there is after school hours, after work hours and vacations to get away. However with a controlling  spouse there is NO "built-in" break.

There are many reasons why controlling people are they way that they are. Most come with severe emotional and psychological baggage. Many have not reached out for help through counseling, while others still are not quite ready to take the steps needed to find the answers to their problems and deal with them. In this article I'm going to show you 3 ways to minimize the difficulty of living with a controlling spouse who is not yet ready to deal with the root of their problem.

1.Don't argue, but agree and....

One of the triggers for control freaks is the objection or refusal of people doing things as they say. These people are used to getting what they want, they need to be in charge and have the control. A powerful way to stop them from controlling you is the "agree and..." method. Whatever they say to you just agree and add the the phrase, "... and I think....". For instance, if they are bugging you to change your cell phone plan because it is cheaper but you want to keep it because it has better service, then don't argue but say, "You're right it is cheaper AND I like the service with the other plan." Don't budge and they will stop.

2.Fight fire with cool water or honey.

Controlling people are often very paranoid and scared that people will not understand them or will leave them alone. Therefore listen to them and be as nice as possible to them. It will be very difficult, and you will need to draw on some internal strength but once they can learn to trust you more, the controlling will become less and it will be worth the patience taken to help them.

3.Agree to do what they say if....

A very powerful technique for dealing with controlling spouses is to agree with their demands if THEY do something first. For instance, agree to change your cell phone plan if THEY call up and do all of the paper work for you. (You know that he will more than likely not want to do this as he hates phoning and dealing with this type of communication) If he refuses to agree to these terms, then stand fast on your decision once you have explained why you do not want to change your cell phone plan.

While living with a control freak is VERY difficult, it is possible, providing you take the proper steps and attitude to dealing with the emotional and psychological aspects of your spouse. If you truly love and want to stay with your spouse for all of the positive aspects of your relationship, then try the above methods to minimize the difficulties of living with a controlling spouse. It will take time, but it is well worth it to have a better marriage.

Are you looking for some way to create a happy marriage despite the fact that you are suffering from a controlling spouse? Then go to www.greatfamilycoaching.com and get access to the free report, "Bad Marriage? You Can Do Something About It" with tips on how to create a happy marriage even if you are married to acontrolling spouse.

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