Learn How To Stop Feeling Bitter To Improve Your Troubled Marriage

Published: 12th August 2010
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A necessary ingredient to save a troubled marriage is to get past old fights and move on. Bitterness robs you of your peace of mind, makes you sick, and prevents you from looking for a true solution to your problems. I realize that although you WANT to get over holding that grudge it isn't an easy task. To feel that your spouse is "getting away with murder" is very hard to swallow. Although that it is hard, though, you are really mainly hurting yourself though.

Read on to learn 4 ways to get rid of a grudge.

*The United State's 15 president, Abe Lincoln suggests the following strategy: write a letter to the other party that contains all of your complaints. Don't write only a rough draft but proofread it until it is fit to be sent. After that, put it in an envelope, address it, and then stash it away in a drawer forever! A variation of this (if you are scared that it might be found); mail the letter to some far away place without a return address on the envelope! You will see that you will become much calmer after you wrote it down.

In the case that the first strategy didn't work try this: Ask yourself the following question:

*Is my bitterness or grudge based solely on facts or maybe there is some other explanation, not so harsh, why your spouse did what they did. For instance, if your husband didn't notice your new dress or forgot your birthday is it because he doesn't care about you or maybe something else happened. Write down 4 or 4 other motives for what they did and then ask him straight out why he did what he did.

*"Are the intentions that I feel my spouse had when they did what they did, a fact or something that I think". More often than not, we interpret intentions falsely. Forgetting to pick up your suit or dress from the dry cleansers doesn't mean that they don't care about you and are about to desert you. It is very likely that it only means that of the million things that they had on their mind to do, they forgot to do this one.

*Was this a one-time slip-up or something constant? Joanne scheduled a dinner on the night that Mark, her husband, had an important meeting that he told her about a few days earlier. His initial thought was that she doesn't care about his career. After speaking his feelings over with me he remembered how she helps him with his work and he then came to the conclusion that she had no malicious intent but simply forgot.

It's important to remember though; deep bitterness and grudges will not go away in a day. It will probably take a long time (depending how deep the hurt is) until you can get past these bad feeling. Keep on writing your complaints in these fictitious letters and emails and challenging your complaints and you will eventually be able to turn your troubled marriage into wonderful and happy marriage!

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